I finally got a vibrator (And Why I think every woman should)

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Fact: “Ever since 1948 when Alfred Kinsey launched modern sex research, one finding has been confirmed and re-confirmed over and over again. Compared with men, women are considerably less likely to have orgasms. Men report orgasms in approximately 95 percent of heterosexual encounters, but for women, depending on the study, the figure ranges from only 50 to 70 percent.”

I’ve been told firsthand by most women around me how hard it is for them to climax. From family to friends—this phenomena doesn’t discriminate. People like to pick and choose what to be offended by without appreciating the context. But I’m here to be blunt with my views to inspire people who may not be able to, or for various reasons choose not to, speak up about such things.

I never intend to suggest that using sex toys replaces human touch. In fact, I’ve discussed that having meaningful relationships is the number one correlation to living longer according to a lengthy Harvard study.

However, I am all for any device/practice/ritual that empowers a woman by giving her the ability to take care of a need independently. For decades we have been shamed for wanting to explore our sexuality while men have been encouraged to hoard as many experiences as they can.

Using a vibrator is separate from my sexual experiences with partners. It has helped me reach multiple orgasms and learn more about my preferences in a safe space. And I will never shy away from recommending it to any woman who is curious.


I’m 27 and still find it uncomfortable to play between the sheets when I’m alone. There’s a sense of being exposed that makes the experience feel unworthy. This feeling is what deterred me from self-pleasure in the past, and until recently, I never even saw it as an option.

But now I find it extremely empowering and gratifying to be with myself in this way. I surveyed nearly all my American friends, and they found it absurd that it’s taken me this long to purchase a vibrator, or “device” as I repeatedly call it because it felt too awkward to say the actual name. The stigmas I grew up with discouraged me to explore my own body, which is curious, since it alleviates the need to have sex.

This article is a message for the mamas like me who’ve yet to add more spice to their their private-time. Masturbation is a mood booster; it releases happy hormones in our body (oxytocin, dopamine, and endorphins), keeps the pelvic floor strong which helps produce stronger orgasms and reduced menstrual cramps, and allows us to learn our preferences in private. And I’m an advocate for anything that makes a woman feel more in charge of her body, and accordingly, better informed when choosing a partner.